18 Children

With the news of another Duggar baby due sometime this fall, I am forced to think a little bit once again about our children and the choices we have made about a number. The Duggar family is part of the "Quiverfull" movement. What it essentially is is this...you look at each child as a blessing from God; no matter how many or how few your blessings are. The children being a blessing, you don't refuse any blessing of God or prevent such a blessing. You simply accept it.

One side of the moment I certainly don't agree with is the few part. As I understand it, the lack of children in your life is also God's plan for you. I have always believed that people should be allowed to have as many children as they want; that no one should be able to tell them they've got too many. (Take that "over-populated world" people. To you I simply say, which one of my children should I get rid of? Are you volunteering to make the world a less crowded place?) I also believe that people should be able to do whatever they can do if they desire a child to be part of their world: ie. adoption or invitro fertilization.

The other side of the "movement" I personally struggle with. I was raised in a family where my mother, raised catholic, always told us that we should get as many children as God would give to us. Meaning, don't use birth control when you get married. I would always answer, "Of course, mother" just to end an uncomfortable conversation with my mother. But, now that I am married and "in my child-bearing years" I am thinking about this a lot more.

After giving birth to three children in three years, my body is screaming "WAIT!!" But, my mind is telling me other things. I do believe that every child is a blessing, but I don't believe that there is anything wrong with birth control for the average girl. Perhaps because of how I was raised I don't feel comfortable with the pills, shots or iuds.

I really feel that we should wait before having any more children just yet. I would like to be able to fit comfortably in my normal clothing again. I would like to be able to breathe normally again. I would like to have some time off from nursing. I would like to just be "me". Gosh that seems so selfish. I know its not selfish to want to be healthy. My dilemma is that while I am taking this "me" time, am I rejecting a possible blessing from God? But, on the other hand, I do believe that God never makes mistakes and that He is ultimately in control. If and when a child is meant to be born into this world, I believe it happens. I myself was conceived while my mother was breastfeeding my older sister and using birth control pills. So I guess in the end, I believe that no matter what I choose to do or don't do...God is still on the throne. :)

Just some rants. Helping me think out my thoughts. :)